Wedding Planning / Frequently Asked
Questions
Etiquette and other
aspects of getting married:
Please remember that
EVERY aspect of your marriage ceremony is not set in stone. The
Bride and Groom should discuss these questions with each other
and decide what works best for their wedding ceremony. If it
doesn't fit, take it out. After all, this is YOUR wedding
ceremony, isn't it?
The Wedding
Ceremony
There
are many questions that the Bride and Groom need
to consider when planning their wedding A script
is usually created and reviewed to make certain
that there are no surprises and that the wedding
goes according to plan. The typical wedding
itinerary that I perform include:
-
Procession
-
Declaration of Intent to Marry
-
Opening Prayer (optional)
-
Invocation
-
Reading from the Scriptures (1 Corinthians
13 (optional))
-
Ministers Marriage Prayer for the Couple
-
Declaration of Marriage (Vows)
-
Ring
Exchange
-
Unity Candle Ceremony (optional)
-
Pouring of the Sands Ceremony (optional)
-
Closing Prayer (optional)
-
Pronouncement as Husband and Wife
-
Recession
The
actual script for the wedding ceremony is
reviewed with the couple to assure that this
wedding is exactly as desired. Sometimes this is
done as an exchange of emails, while other times
the minister/officiator meets with the couple
(and the wedding coordinator) at the rehearsal
at the place of service to go over everything in
detail.
Q. How many ushers
and bridesmaids are needed?
A. It depends on the
size of the wedding. Normally, there should be
one usher for every 50 guests. The average
wedding party for formal or semi-formal is four
to six bridesmaids and ushers. A bride does not
need as many bridesmaids as ushers.
Q. In a formal
wedding, which side is usually reserved for the
bride's family and friends?
A. The bride's parents
are seated on the left side of the aisle and the
groom's parents sit on the right side. (In some
synagogues this is reversed).
Q. What if the
church has two center aisles?
A. Choose one aisle and
proceed with the wedding as if it were the only
one available, or use the right aisle for the
processional and the left for the recessional.
Q. Does the groom
always kiss the bride at the altar?
A. Yes, however the
person performing the wedding will rule on it,
according to your religious or church practices.
Q. Is there a
recessional at a home wedding?
A. Not usually. The
married couple may turn around after the
ceremony and be presented by the officiant and
receive best wishes from the guests.
Q. Who gives the
officiant his or her fee?
A. The groom pays, but
the best man gives it to the officiate in a
plain white envelope before the ceremony.
Q. Where does the
wedding party stand in the receiving line?
A. The receiving line
is in the back of the church or outside the
church, after the ceremony. The order may vary,
but usually the bride's mother and father are
first, followed by the bride, groom and
bridesmaids. The groom's mother and father may
be included. The ushers and best man do not
stand in the receiving line.
The Wedding
Reception
Q. At the bride and
groom's table, where does the bride sit?
A. The bride is seated
at the groom's right.
Q. With divorced
parents, who attends the reception?
A. Both may attend if
agreeable by all, or separate receptions may be
given.
Q. Who reads the
congratulatory messages aloud?
A. The best man reads
any congratulatory messages that are received.
Q. Who proposes the
first toast?
A. The best man
proposes the first toast to the bride and groom.
Q. Who cuts the
first piece of cake?
A. The bride, with the
groom's right hand over hers, cuts the first
piece of cake. The couple breaks the slice and
eats it together. A friend or waiter then
finishes serving the cake.
Q. What happens if
other couples start dancing before the bride and
groom at the reception?
A. When the newlyweds
appear, everyone should stop dancing. Then the
bride and groom have their first dance, once
around the floor solo.
Q. Is the groom
obligated to dance with someone besides his
bride?
A. Yes, the groom is
obligated to dance with his mother,
mother-in-law, and the maid of honor. Make it
fun and do the "Money-Dance".
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The Wedding
Invitation and Announcement
Q. When should the wedding
invitations be ordered?
A. Wedding invitations should be
ordered when the details of the ceremony and reception have been
confirmed. Information such as the wedding date, time and place
of your service and reception, as well as an accurate guest list
count are needed when placing your invitation order. Note you
will save yourself a bit of stress if you order invitations
at least three months before the wedding.
Q. When should wedding invitations
be mailed?
A. Invitations should be mailed
approximately four to eight weeks before the ceremony.
Q. Are any special arrangements made
for out-of-town guests?
A. It's a good idea to send a
"save-the-date card" to your out-of-town guests. The card is
usually sent four to six months before the wedding. This is the
first news your guests have of the wedding. It typically
includes information about the wedding and any special
accommodations which you have for them.
Q. What are considered traditional
wedding invitations?
A. Traditional wedding invitations are
white, ivory or ecru with or without a panel. Traditional
invitations may be thermographed (raised printing) or engraved.
Thermographed invitations are less expensive and imitate the
look of engraving.
Q. What are considered contemporary
wedding invitations?
A. Contemporary invitations are those
that offer a variety of different themes, designs, folds,
trends, and beautiful colors.
Q. May guests be invited to a
reception and not the wedding itself?
A. Yes, if the wedding service is
attended only by relatives and close friends.
Q. Are wedding announcements ever
sent to anyone who has been invited to the ceremony or
reception?
A. No. Wedding announcements are only
sent to those people who were not invited to the ceremony or
reception.
Q. Are wedding invitations envelopes
addressed formally
A. Yes. Abbreviations should not be
used except for Mr., Mrs., Jr. or Dr.
Q. Is it correct to use "and family"
when addressing the invitations envelopes?
A. No. Separate invitations should be
sent to each adult family member living in the same home,
whenever possible. For small children, address the outer
envelope to their parents and write their first names on the
inner envelopes under their parent's names.
Q. What is the purpose of the tissue
included with my wedding invitation order?
A. In the past, tissues were used to
guard against ink smears. Today's printing methods insure that
the ink is dry before the invitations leave the printing plant,
so the tissues are no longer necessary. However, many continue
to use the tissue as part of their wedding ensemble for
aesthetic reasons and for the sake of tradition.
Q. How should the wedding invitation
be inserted into the envelopes?
A. The invitation is folded and put in
the inner envelope (the smaller envelope) with the folded edge
down and the front of the invitation facing the back of the
envelope. The envelope is then placed in the envelope with the
front of the inner envelope facing the back of the outer
envelope.
Q. When should the announcements be
mailed?
A. Announcements should be mailed a day
or two after the wedding.
The Thank You Note
Q. Is it necessary to send a thank
you to someone I have thanked in person?
A. It is considered socially correct to
always send a written thank you note even if you have thanked
someone in person.
Q. When should the thank you notes
be mailed?
A. A written thank you note should be
sent as soon as possible after receiving the gift. Normally this
is within two to three weeks of receipt.
Q. Is there a tactful way to thank
someone for a monetary gift?
A. When writing a thank you note for
money it is not necessary or advisable to mention the amount.
Instead, refer to it as "your generous gift," or something
similar. It is also tasteful to mention how you plan to use the
money.
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